I’d Help You Bury a Body – Funny Dark Humor Card
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⚰️💖 "I Love You So Much, I’d Help You Bury a Body" – Funny Dark Humor Love Card
🌟 A Bold Way to Say 'I Love You' (with a Shovel)
Some bonds are deeper than words — and way funnier too.
The "I Love You So Much, I’d Help You Bury a Body" card is the perfect way to express your loyalty, devotion, and shared love of slightly morbid humor.
Featuring a smiling gravestone character and a cheeky shovel, this hilarious, heartwarming design blends dark humor and affection in a way that’s unforgettable.
It’s the kind of card that gets framed, kept forever, and quoted back at you for years to come. 💀💖
💬 Why You’ll Love This Twisted Little Masterpiece
⚰️ Darkly Sweet, Genuinely Hilarious
The clever message:
"I love you so much, I’d help you bury a body… but only if I didn’t have plans,"
is pure chaotic romance — funny, weird, and deeply touching in its own demented way.
🎨 Premium Eco-Friendly Craftsmanship
Printed on thick, premium-quality, sustainable cardstock, this card looks good, feels good, and does good for the planet.
Because love (and dark humor) should always leave a light footprint.
✍️ Blank Interior for Personal Mayhem
Plenty of space to unleash your own dark, funny, heartfelt, or sarcastic message — whatever fits your beautifully twisted relationship.
🎁 A Standout Gift for Bold Souls
Perfect for anyone who loves offbeat humor, true crime jokes, or relationship goals that involve hypothetical felonies.
👑 Card Features:
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Sizes Available: A5 (148 x 210mm), A6 (105 x 148mm) and A4!
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Material: Eco-friendly, premium-quality cardstock
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Finish: Smooth matte texture with vibrant pastel backgrounds
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Design: Adorable gravestone character + shovel, bold dark humor text
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Interior: Blank for your custom message
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Envelope: Matching envelope included
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Sustainability: Printed using environmentally responsible processes
📏 Perfect for Every Occasion:
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Valentine’s Day 💘: Because nothing says 'be mine' like a hypothetical crime
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Anniversaries 🎉: Celebrate your ongoing loyalty (and potential alibi)
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Birthdays 🎂: Remind your favorite chaos buddy how far you’d go for them
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Friendship Appreciation 💌: Because best friends would definitely help hide the evidence
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Just Because ✨: Random, hilarious affection always wins
🧠 Bonus Waffle – Why Dark Humor is the Ultimate Love Language
Love isn’t all candlelight and poetry.
Sometimes it’s messy, weird, and involves questionable Google searches like "how to hide a body."
The "I’d Help You Bury a Body" Card isn’t about morbidity — it’s about loyalty.
It's about saying:
"I love you enough to risk prison time (as long as my schedule allows)."
It’s about shared jokes, late-night memes, and knowing someone’s got your back no matter what.
In a world obsessed with perfection, weird love is the realest love.
🎁 The Most Hilarious Gift They’ll Ever Receive
Imagine their face when they open this card:
Shock.
Laughter.
Tears (of joy and/or fear).
No boring romance.
No generic greetings.
Just pure, hilarious, slightly concerning affection — exactly the way true love should be.
Whether you’re wooing a soulmate, celebrating a bestie, or making a mischievous sibling’s day, this card will be remembered — and treasured — forever.
📦 Shipping & Returns Information
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Processing Time: 1–3 business days
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UK Delivery: 2–5 business days
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International Delivery: 7–14 business days (depending on customs)
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Tracked Shipping: Available — stay updated as your chaos-filled love note travels
Returns/Refunds:
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Damaged or incorrect item? Contact us within 7 days — free replacement or full refund.
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Lost package? Full replacement/refund after 14 days (UK) or 30 days (international).
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Changed your mind? Returns accepted within 14 days for non-personalized, unused cards.
Need help? Email hello@keolix.com — we’re here for you.
💜 About KEOLIX
KEOLIX is not for the passive, the plain, or the “meh.”
We’re the brand your neutral tote bag warned you about.
Everything here is handmade, in-house, and intentionally bold. From rude birthday cards to weirdly loveable stickers and statement prints, KEOLIX designs are built to spark joy, start drama, or add just enough chaos to your day.
Want to make your order giftable? Pair it with one of our handmade cards — we’ve got sweet, sassy, and straight-up savage.
Not sure what to get? Check out our bestsellers — the people know what’s good.
Need layout inspiration or want to see what people are doing with their KEOLIX hauls? We’re always building aesthetic combos and real-life styling ideas here. Go get lost in it.
KEOLIX isn’t just a shop. It’s a vibe. And you’re in it now.
Shipping & Returns Information
We strive to process and ship all orders within 1-3 business days. Delivery times may vary depending on your location:
- UK: 2-5 business days
- International: 7-14 business days (please note that international orders may be subject to delays due to customs processing)
Tracking:
For orders with tracking, please utilize the tracking number provided in your shipping confirmation email to monitor the progress of your package.
Refund & Return Policy:
We prioritize customer satisfaction and aim to provide a seamless return and refund process. Please contact us if you encounter any issues or have questions.
Damaged or Incorrect Items:
If your item arrives damaged or you receive the incorrect item, kindly email us within 7 days of receipt with a photograph of the issue. We will promptly send a replacement or offer a refund.
Lost Packages:
For international shipping orders, we offer a replacement or refund within 30 days if the package is not received within the specified timeframe. For UK shipping orders, the deadline is 14 days. Please provide your order details and tracking number to initiate the return process.
Refunds:
Refunds can only be processed to the original payment method. In cases of delayed shipments, we will issue a refund once the item is returned to us.
Returns:
We accept returns on non-personalized items within 14 days of delivery. Please return the item in its original condition and packaging. The buyer is responsible for return shipping costs unless the item was damaged or incorrect.
Contact Us:
Do not hesitate to contact us if you have any inquiries or concerns. We are dedicated to providing exceptional customer service.
