Don't Spreadsheet Tote Bag – Funny Excel Office Gift

Don’t Spreadsheet – you’ll only cry in pivot tables. On A tote. 

This bag is for the burnt-out analyst, the caffeine-fueled intern, the perfectionist designer, the freelancer who’s one revision away from combusting. It's for the girlboss who’s juggling 32 tabs, 14 deadlines, and an HR request she hasn’t opened since Tuesday.

Let’s be clear: this Don’t Spreadsheet tote isn’t here to help you stay organized. It’s here to help you survive the madness. With a big middle finger to burnout and a wink to your Google Sheets trauma, this bag says exactly what you’ve been screaming internally on every Zoom call since 2020: “Not today, Susan. I’m emotionally bankrupt and this spreadsheet is a war crime.”

😎 Why You Need This Tote In Your Life:

• Design That Gets It – The Excel spreadsheet graphic? Familiar AF. The phrase? Too real. It’s the pun that gets a slow clap from accountants and tears from junior developers.

• 100% Recycled Cotton – You’re saving the planet and your mental health. The fabric is sturdy, sustainable, and soft enough to wipe your tears of Excel-induced rage.

• Lightweight, Roomy, & Durable – Fits your laptop, charger, overpriced oat milk latte, and a notebook filled with brilliant ideas you’ll probably never get to pitch.

💡 Use Case Scenarios (Because Keeks Always Delivers):

• A Tote Slung over your shoulder as you walk into the office on a Monday like a warrior returning from battle.

• Dangling off your arm at Pret, hoping someone else in line reads it and says, “Same.”

• Hung on the back of your chair as a passive-aggressive hint to your micro-managing boss.

🎁 Makes a Perfect Tote For:

• That coworker who says “I’ll just make a spreadsheet” in moments of crisis.

• The friend who quit their finance job to become a full-time tattoo artist.

• The sibling who uses VLOOKUP in casual conversation (ew, but okay).

🌱 Eco-Friendly + Emotionally Intelligent

The Don't Spreadsheet Tote Bag is made with 100% recycled cotton Tote (130-135 gsm), which means you’re not contributing to fast fashion landfill horrors while still slaying in the office. It's washable, collapsible, and cute enough to deflect awkward small talk in the break room.

Bonus points: it's got that vibe. The dry wit. The understated flex. The "I’ve worked 50 hours this week and I’m still funnier than you" energy.

🧠 Bonus Waffle (Unfiltered, From Keeks to You)

This bag? It’s not just fabric and thread. It’s survival gear for girlies who are fighting the corporate system with sarcasm, spreadsheets, and spreadsheets about their sarcasm. It’s for the rebel who still files their own invoices. The punk with a pension. The Barbie with burnout who still looks bomb at the printer.

Throw it over your shoulder like it’s a mic drop. Let it hang off your office chair like a warning label. Show the world that you may be “Just Formatting Cells” on the outside, but inside? You're planning a spreadsheet-fueled uprising.

✅ Add to cart.
✅ Power up your dry wit.
✅ Send one to your manager anonymously.

You earned this energy, boss babe.

💜 About KEOLIX

KEOLIX is not for the passive, the plain, or the “meh.”
We’re the brand your neutral tote bag warned you about.

Everything here is handmade, in-house, and intentionally bold. From rude birthday cards to weirdly loveable stickers and statement prints, KEOLIX designs are built to spark joy, start drama, or add just enough chaos to your day.

Want to make your order giftable? Pair it with one of our handmade cards — we’ve got sweet, sassy, and straight-up savage.

Not sure what to get? Check out our bestsellers — the people know what’s good.

Need layout inspiration or want to see what people are doing with their KEOLIX hauls? We’re always building aesthetic combos and real-life styling ideas here. Go get lost in it.

KEOLIX isn’t just a shop. It’s a vibe. And you’re in it now.

✨ At KEOLIX, we believe small things can spark big smiles. Every product we create is made with heart, humor, and a touch of rebellion. Whether you're collecting pins, gifting cards, or brightening your space with prints, you're supporting a brand that values creativity, quality, and meaning. Our designs are more than accessories — they're conversation starters, confidence boosters, and love notes in disguise. Thanks for shopping small and choosing bold. Want more? Browse our latest drops, join our loyalty club, or follow along on social for sneak peeks and giveaways. Stay bold, stay kind, and keep collecting what makes you feel like you.