Join the Cult Tote Bag – Funny Dark Humor Eco Shopper

Join the Cult, Drink the Kool-Aid 🫗😈

No, but seriously... who isn’t in a cult these days?

Whether it’s astrology, iced coffee, skincare routines, or your 6-hour nightly scroll on TikTok, let’s be real — we’ve all joined something. This tote is for the self-aware, the ironically enlightened, and those who know that dark humor is the love language.

👜 What You’re Actually Getting:

• Tote Material: 100% recycled cotton – soft, sturdy, and low-key saving the planet

• Size: 40 x 38 cm (15.7 x 15 inches) – big enough to carry emotional baggage

• Fabric Weight: 130–135 gsm – lightweight but ready for the cult snacks

• Design: A cheeky cartoon jug screaming “JOIN US” energy with the iconic phrase:
  👉 Join a Cult. Drink the Kool-Aid.
  But like… in a fun way.

👁‍🗨 Who This Bag Is Actually For:

• The girl who’s too emotionally intelligent for pyramid schemes, but still signs up for them

• The friend who sends memes instead of responding to trauma

• You. Duh. You’re already in the aesthetic cult by reading this

✨ Why You’ll Love This Tote:

✔ Dark Humor Done Right: Let’s normalize laughing through the apocalypse.
✔ Built to Last: Like your emotional walls, this fabric doesn’t break down easily.
✔ Eco-Friendly: Because irony hits harder when it’s sustainable.
✔ Statement-Making: Nothing says I’m coping like a loud cartoon jug and cult reference.

💡 VIBE CHECK USES:

• Farmer’s market haul (aka vibey grapes + moral superiority)

• Uni lectures (you’ll be the mysterious hot girl™)

• Therapy... if your therapist has a sense of humor

• Gift for your friend who has a witchcraft playlist but shops at Aldi

• A subtle “don’t talk to me” on public transport, but make it fashion

🎁 Give the Gift of Sarcastic Enlightenment

Whether it’s a birthday, breakup recovery, or “saw this and thought of your delulu,” this tote is the perfect emotionally unhinged gift. You’re not just giving a bag. You’re giving permission to laugh at life’s absurdity.

Because let's face it: We’re all sipping the Kool-Aid. Might as well look cute doing it.

🚚 Shipping & Returns (aka cult logistics):

• UK: 2–5 business days

• International: 7–14 business days

• Processing time: 1–3 business days

• Tracked delivery available. Because guessing isn’t the vibe.

Returns: Accepted within 14 days on non-personalized items
Refunds: Back to the original payment method
Email us if your tote gets kidnapped: hello@keolix.com

🧠 TL;DR:

This bag is:

• Dark

• Funny

• Weirdly aesthetic

• And just emotionally aware enough to know exactly what it’s doing.

💬 Join a Cult. Drink the Kool-Aid.
Let your tote say what you can’t scream in therapy.
Order now — limited quantities, unlimited chaos.

💜 About KEOLIX

KEOLIX is not for the passive, the plain, or the “meh.”
We’re the brand your neutral tote bag warned you about.

Everything here is handmade, in-house, and intentionally bold. From rude birthday cards to weirdly loveable stickers and statement prints, KEOLIX designs are built to spark joy, start drama, or add just enough chaos to your day.

Want to make your order giftable? Pair it with one of our handmade cards — we’ve got sweet, sassy, and straight-up savage.

Not sure what to get? Check out our bestsellers — the people know what’s good.

Need layout inspiration or want to see what people are doing with their KEOLIX hauls? We’re always building aesthetic combos and real-life styling ideas here. Go get lost in it.

KEOLIX isn’t just a shop. It’s a vibe. And you’re in it now.

✨ At KEOLIX, we believe small things can spark big smiles. Every product we create is made with heart, humor, and a touch of rebellion. Whether you're collecting pins, gifting cards, or brightening your space with prints, you're supporting a brand that values creativity, quality, and meaning. Our designs are more than accessories — they're conversation starters, confidence boosters, and love notes in disguise. Thanks for shopping small and choosing bold. Want more? Browse our latest drops, join our loyalty club, or follow along on social for sneak peeks and giveaways. Stay bold, stay kind, and keep collecting what makes you feel like you.

Shipping & Returns Information

We strive to process and ship all orders within 1-3 business days. Delivery times may vary depending on your location:

• UK: 2-5 business days
• International: 7-14 business days (please note that international orders may be subject to delays due to customs processing)

Tracking:
For orders with tracking, please utilize the tracking number provided in your shipping confirmation email to monitor the progress of your package.

Refund & Return Policy:
We prioritize customer satisfaction and aim to provide a seamless return and refund process. Please contact us if you encounter any issues or have questions.

Damaged or Incorrect Items:
If your item arrives damaged or you receive the incorrect item, kindly email us within 7 days of receipt with a photograph of the issue. We will promptly send a replacement or offer a refund.

Lost Packages:
For international shipping orders, we offer a replacement or refund within 30 days if the package is not received within the specified timeframe. For UK shipping orders, the deadline is 14 days. Please provide your order details and tracking number to initiate the return process.

Refunds:
Refunds can only be processed to the original payment method. In cases of delayed shipments, we will issue a refund once the item is returned to us.

Returns:
We accept returns on non-personalized items within 14 days of delivery. Please return the item in its original condition and packaging. The buyer is responsible for return shipping costs unless the item was damaged or incorrect.

Contact Us:
Do not hesitate to contact us if you have any inquiries or concerns. We are dedicated to providing exceptional customer service.