Your Son Is a Cruel MF Tote – Retro Phone Bag
TOTE BUNDLE Get 2 tote bags for £19.99 – use code TOTEBUNDLE
- Free UK Delivery
- Low stock - 3 items left
😈 Say It Louder: “Your Son Is a Cruel Mother F**ker.”
This isn’t just a tote.
It’s a whole mood.
It’s passive-aggressive poetry in pink.
It’s what you wish you could say at brunch with the in-laws—but can’t. So now? You wear it.
Meet the “Your Son Is a Cruel Mother F**ker” tote bag.
A spicy little accessory featuring a retro-style pink rotary phone and the kind of message that deserves to be embroidered on a throw pillow (but instead, lives on your arm like a threat and a charm).
📦 Tote Features
👛 Retro Realness:
That soft vintage pink? Iconic. The speech bubble? Dangerous. The whole vibe? Campy perfection.
♻️ Eco and Unbothered:
Made from 100% recycled cotton. 130–135gsm thick. Lightweight but tough—like you after a breakup.
👜 Perfect Size:
40 x 38 cm of sass (15.7 x 15 inches). Enough space for groceries, legal docs, your petty thoughts, and a bottle of wine you don’t plan to share.
💬 Durable Drama:
Bold design that doesn’t fade with the drama. Built to last through texts you regret sending and texts you wish you’d sent sooner.
❤️🔥 Who Is This Tote For?
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That one friend who is always 0.02 seconds from popping off
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Anyone navigating awkward family events with a fake smile and a full rage bar
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A sisterhood of people who have dealt with sons who were, in fact, cruel motherf**kers
🎁 Give This Bag To...
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Your bestie after a trash breakup
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Your mum who raised you right (unlike her)
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Your therapist (they’ve earned it)
Pair it with:
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A petty playlist
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Wine
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A signed card that says “IYKYK”
💅 Fashion Vibes:
Dress it up with a faux fur coat or down with your “don’t talk to me” hoodie. Either way, this tote does the talking.
Your outfit? Elevated.
Your message? Received.
♻️ Sustainability + Packaging:
Plastic-free wherever possible.
Made in small batches with real Keolix attitude.
Ships in 1–3 business days.
UK delivery in 2–5. International in 7–14.
Returns accepted within 14 days if you didn’t absolutely vibe with it.
Email hello@keolix.com for help. Or for backup. Or bail money.
🛒 Add to Cart. Start Drama. Leave No Survivors.
This is your sign.
Your tote.
Your emotional release with handles.
Add to cart now and wear your truth—with a smile that says, “Try me.”
💜 About KEOLIX
KEOLIX is not for the passive, the plain, or the “meh.”
We’re the brand your neutral tote bag warned you about.
Everything here is handmade, in-house, and intentionally bold. From rude birthday cards to weirdly loveable stickers and statement prints, KEOLIX designs are built to spark joy, start drama, or add just enough chaos to your day.
Want to make your order giftable? Pair it with one of our handmade cards — we’ve got sweet, sassy, and straight-up savage.
Not sure what to get? Check out our bestsellers — the people know what’s good.
Need layout inspiration or want to see what people are doing with their KEOLIX hauls? We’re always building aesthetic combos and real-life styling ideas here. Go get lost in it.
KEOLIX isn’t just a shop. It’s a vibe. And you’re in it now.
✨ At KEOLIX, we believe small things can spark big smiles. Every product we create is made with heart, humor, and a touch of rebellion. Whether you're collecting pins, gifting cards, or brightening your space with prints, you're supporting a brand that values creativity, quality, and meaning. Our designs are more than accessories — they're conversation starters, confidence boosters, and love notes in disguise. Thanks for shopping small and choosing bold. Want more? Browse our latest drops, join our loyalty club, or follow along on social for sneak peeks and giveaways. Stay bold, stay kind, and keep collecting what makes you feel like you.
Shipping & Returns Information
We strive to process and ship all orders within 1-3 business days. Delivery times may vary depending on your location:
- UK: 2-5 business days
- International: 7-14 business days (please note that international orders may be subject to delays due to customs processing)
Tracking:
For orders with tracking, please utilize the tracking number provided in your shipping confirmation email to monitor the progress of your package.
Refund & Return Policy:
We prioritize customer satisfaction and aim to provide a seamless return and refund process. Please contact us if you encounter any issues or have questions.
Damaged or Incorrect Items:
If your item arrives damaged or you receive the incorrect item, kindly email us within 7 days of receipt with a photograph of the issue. We will promptly send a replacement or offer a refund.
Lost Packages:
For international shipping orders, we offer a replacement or refund within 30 days if the package is not received within the specified timeframe. For UK shipping orders, the deadline is 14 days. Please provide your order details and tracking number to initiate the return process.
Refunds:
Refunds can only be processed to the original payment method. In cases of delayed shipments, we will issue a refund once the item is returned to us.
Returns:
We accept returns on non-personalized items within 14 days of delivery. Please return the item in its original condition and packaging. The buyer is responsible for return shipping costs unless the item was damaged or incorrect.
Contact Us:
Do not hesitate to contact us if you have any inquiries or concerns. We are dedicated to providing exceptional customer service.
